Two Things I Need Help With

Dear anyone reading this,

Usually I have some wisdom to share with you all, but today I am struggling.  I need advice, help, or whatever comfort you feel you can provide.  There are two things that are on my mind today.  First, having my ideas and thoughts completely blown off and dismissed because I haven’t served a mission, and second feeling lonely.

In church I am the only guy who goes to priesthood who hasn’t served a mission.  There are other guys in my ward who haven’t served mission, but they never stay through priesthood.  Because I’m the only one who hasn’t been on a mission my raised hand in priesthood is often ignored.  I know they can see it, so I am purposely and personally being rejected.  And it hurts.  I know that I haven’t served a mission so there are some things that I can’t understand, but I have lived for 19 years and have some life experience that might contribute to what someone else needs to hear.  I was so frustrated today that I stopped listening for a while.  I’m sure it was a great lesson but my pride got in the way and I’m sorry for that.  There is one guy in my ward, Justin, who has even been remotely kind to me and I am so thankful for that.

This transitions into my next concern for the day.  I have felt so lonely lately and I hate it.  I know I shouldn’t feel lonely because I have gone to a friend’s apartment or had a friend over every single day.  I’m so grateful for all of you who have visited me.  But my roommates are never around so I don’t know them.  I feel like I don’t have a family, like my brothers are gone.  My one roommate who I really clicked with has a girlfriend who doesn’t like me and so vicariously he has a hard time convincing her to make me feel welcome in my own apartment when she is around.  I just feel like an intruder in my own living room.  I am having a great time with school and my friends, but at the end of the day when all the other distractions in life are gone I just feel so alone.  It’s almost physically painful.  I miss my brother Garrett more than I knew was possible.  I miss Channing.  I miss my parents.  I don’t know what to do.

Suggestions, advice, or comfort for either topic?  I could really use the help.

Tyler